| i wish i could remember where or what i was doing on my last entry in november because i sounded like a genius. wow. impressive. now why can't i be like that all of the time?
i'm home from my first year of college and am learning things daily. i just got a job at creative discovery museum.and i've been hanging out with a completely different crowd of people. i seem to be confident in myself - kind of like i know where i'm going. my thoughts and opinions are more mature and i'm taking hold of them and not just sweeping them out the window. i am learning and growing and i have read an awful lot since i've been home.
jane eyre (short version)
the catcher in the rye
the little prince
peter pan
and i've been back less than a month. finally i'm doing something that I want to do! i feel like now is the time to be doing things that i feel i should be doing; not doing them for the benefit for others. i have grown firm(er) in my faith and feel that i can let people in without them disturbing my beliefs. i am still the same with boys and that's totally fine. i have big plans for my life and i'm actually starting to plan it out rather than day dreaming about it constantly. it feels good and yet it's the scariest thing ever. who knows what i will do next summer but i hope that i do what i plan. planning i hate to admit is a really good thing. okay.
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I used to be so profound on here. I never was able to verbalize that though. Still I can't. It sounds alien coming out of this mouth-but it's in the brain constantly. I truly enjoy observing people. Often, I enjoy becoming invisible so that I may fully understand how people interact with one another. I love nature. I love nature. I love nature. Today and many days prior have I wanted to skip classes and lay in a field surrounded by nothing but autumnal trees.
Oh what the movies have done to my mind. I can't help it. I love fall. And I love being surrounded by so many people like myself. Ignorance is bliss, yes. But once you've come to the knowledge of something and the bliss is still around, hold on to it. I've noticed too often that bliss usually blissfully disintegrates once someone finds the truth.
I wish it were easy being me.
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Last entry: Sept.06
Most recent entry: Oct. 07
Changes?
I feel that I am a completely different person. I wish I could go back to September of that year. I would change one thing. But I can't and I've evolved completely. I am now sitting in Utah with a girl from Washington "studying".
I've been successful in breaking out of my shell of "the same crew" blues from high school. I'm in a completely different place and I think I like it.
I think a lot though. I think all of the time. I am glad I don't have to talk a lot. I am so glad I found this xanga site, hopefully no one will read this.
Senior year was completed successfully; still a member of that despicable club I first heard about it seventh grade. I like me.And I think I will just keep on liking me more and more. I mean what's the point in changing. I've found what I love and I just keeping on loving what I find. I shouldn't worry about how others view me. This is a personal journey college is. And I feel that I've been lucky enough to find myself enough in high school to be happy where I am now.
I do enjoy the leaves; the whole "idea" of this place. College campus, autumnal leaves, colors everywhere, big sweaters and hot cocoa, philosophical books, library 24/7 and so far it all seems to be coming along very well. I like the idea of meeting someone that is into the same observations and has their head somewhat in the clouds-not always concerned about school. Looking at the sky and nature and just soaking it all in. I am romantic enough for myself at the present time; I don't need another. Think about it, I know what I like and I don't have to worry about convincing someone else of its beauty; it's mine to behold and no one can tear my ideas down. I am content. Shocking to hear and say but it's truth.
My testimony has grown so much. That's a cliche' statement I know. I cry every Sunday and I love it.
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| Last entry: July 3
Latest entry: September 17
Anything different?
Anything the same?
Decisions make us who we are.
I feel I have no self-discipline at times.
I am trying to be the person I see inside.
Now would be a good time for it to happen.
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| I am turning over a new leaf.
EFY- greatest thing ever. 
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